so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
