Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
