Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
