Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
