Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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