Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Boobs are out for the taking
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
