how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
