He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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