I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize