did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
