Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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