that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
