It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
