I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
