he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
