Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
