we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize