Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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