I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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