I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
