man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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