Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize