Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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