I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I came so hard my ears popped.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
