No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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