**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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