i jhust puked up my retainher.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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