why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
