nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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