and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
