The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
