Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
