dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
