u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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