well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
