It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
