So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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