I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
