Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
