Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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