My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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