All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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