don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
