My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
