drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
