Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
