There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
