My room smells like vodka and shame
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
