You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
