I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
