Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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