So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Sorry about my life...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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