Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
