it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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