I'm laying in your front yard are you home
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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