yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
