I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
