I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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