The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
