I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
