I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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