Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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