My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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