Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
they call him Oral-B. enough said
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
