"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize