So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
