It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
