I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Your cock deserves a montage
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
