Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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