So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
